"A friend loves at all times." - Proverbs 17:17 (NIV).
Years ago a friend was talking to me about some people being "cursed with theaffliction to give advice." At the time I had no idea what he was talking about.Sure sounded strange to me. Now I understand.
According to Webster's Dictionary, people "offering ... unwanted advice" areofficious. They can also be obnoxious. Such advice can be and often is a thinlyveiled criticism.
I'm not talking about going to a lawyer or an accountant or a car mechanic orwhatever where we need and are asking for professional advice. What I'm talkingabout is when we share our struggles and feelings with a friend and they have acompulsion to tell us what we should or shouldn't be doing, or to "fix" us. Theyare in fact putting us down in that they are assuming that they know our needsbetter than we know them ourselves.
Even when some people want us to tell them what to do, it is a much greater helpnot to tell them what we think they should do, but to help THEM decide what aretheir options and solutions. This is what a good counselor does. He helpsclients see what their options are and decide for themselves what they need todo.
What I want from a friend when I am feeling in the pits is someone to listen tome with their heart, give me their presence, and accept me as I am—and let meknow they care—without giving any kind of advice or trying to fix me.
These friends can be rare. Even rarer is the friend who knows how to weep withthose who weep.
In his book, Out of Solitude, Henri Nouwen wrote, "When we honestly askourselves which persons in our lives mean the most to us, we often find that itis those who, instead of giving advice, solutions, or cures, have chosen ratherto share our pain and touch our wounds with a warm and tender hand. The friendwho can be silent with us in a moment of despair or confusion, who can stay withus in an hour of grief and bereavement, who can tolerate not knowing, notcuring, not healing and face with us the reality of our powerlessness, that is afriend who cares."
May God help us all to be this kind of a friend.
Prayer: "Our Loving Father in Heaven, please give me an understanding, caring,and compassionate heart and help me to learn how to listen to my friends' pain,to accept them as they are, to communicate to them that I truly care—withouthaving a compulsion to give unsolicited advice or try to fix them. To my friendsin need please help me to be a friend indeed. Thank you for hearing andanswering my prayer. Gratefully, in Jesus' Name I Pray, Amen."
Years ago a friend was talking to me about some people being "cursed with theaffliction to give advice." At the time I had no idea what he was talking about.Sure sounded strange to me. Now I understand.
According to Webster's Dictionary, people "offering ... unwanted advice" areofficious. They can also be obnoxious. Such advice can be and often is a thinlyveiled criticism.
I'm not talking about going to a lawyer or an accountant or a car mechanic orwhatever where we need and are asking for professional advice. What I'm talkingabout is when we share our struggles and feelings with a friend and they have acompulsion to tell us what we should or shouldn't be doing, or to "fix" us. Theyare in fact putting us down in that they are assuming that they know our needsbetter than we know them ourselves.
Even when some people want us to tell them what to do, it is a much greater helpnot to tell them what we think they should do, but to help THEM decide what aretheir options and solutions. This is what a good counselor does. He helpsclients see what their options are and decide for themselves what they need todo.
What I want from a friend when I am feeling in the pits is someone to listen tome with their heart, give me their presence, and accept me as I am—and let meknow they care—without giving any kind of advice or trying to fix me.
These friends can be rare. Even rarer is the friend who knows how to weep withthose who weep.
In his book, Out of Solitude, Henri Nouwen wrote, "When we honestly askourselves which persons in our lives mean the most to us, we often find that itis those who, instead of giving advice, solutions, or cures, have chosen ratherto share our pain and touch our wounds with a warm and tender hand. The friendwho can be silent with us in a moment of despair or confusion, who can stay withus in an hour of grief and bereavement, who can tolerate not knowing, notcuring, not healing and face with us the reality of our powerlessness, that is afriend who cares."
May God help us all to be this kind of a friend.
Prayer: "Our Loving Father in Heaven, please give me an understanding, caring,and compassionate heart and help me to learn how to listen to my friends' pain,to accept them as they are, to communicate to them that I truly care—withouthaving a compulsion to give unsolicited advice or try to fix them. To my friendsin need please help me to be a friend indeed. Thank you for hearing andanswering my prayer. Gratefully, in Jesus' Name I Pray, Amen."
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